Give Up The Ghost
by always-been-a-pirate
Summary: Emma and Killian have nightmares after returning from the Underworld. Inspired by lyrics from 'Give Up The Ghost' by Rosi Golan.
1. Chapter 1

_**Come here** _  
_**It's all worth the fight when it's you, dear.** _  
_**We're hitting our heads on the wall here** _  
_**We don't have to hold on so tightly.**_

Empty. As darkness fell across the porch and seeped in through the front windows, that's all she felt. It was appropriate perhaps - it was the state of the house as well as her mind. She'd been fighting it for hours now, but as night surrounded her and the reality of solitude took over, she could no longer help her weak attempts to avoid sleep. She should have fought harder.

* * *

 _"Killian," her voice echoed, foreign and blurred. "Killian….are you…."_

 _"Emma…."_

 _His words were faint, a dwindling sound as the image of him flickered between shades of clarity. The connection they'd somehow formed was weak and unstable, only the inconsistent glimpses of his disheveled hair and the brief flash of his deep blue eyes telling her he was there - well, somewhere anyway. She had to find him._

 _"Killian….Killian, we're trying to find you…."_

 _"Emma….don't…."_

 _"No, wait," she gasped, reaching out for the ghostlike figure of him. "Killian, don't….I….I love you-"_

 _"I know, Emma," he nodded, her touch moving right through him. "But I have to-"_

 _"Killian, please - wait! I can't lose you…."_

 _"It's okay, love," he whispered. "Just let me go."_

* * *

Emma's eyes snapped open to the dim quiet of the room, her blanket tangled around her legs. She didn't know when she'd drifted off, but as her breath shuddered in her chest, she allowed relief to fill her bones. She blinked rapidly as she sat up slowly. It was just a dream.

At least, _this_ time it was. She had to keep remembering that.

Tired. That was the only way to describe the way her jade green irises glared back at her in the mirror. Yes, she'd just returned from the Underworld and she was already fighting the next big bad villain in town. Sadly, this one was the piece of glass hanging over her bathroom sink.

Emma rubbed at the dark circles under her wide eyes, noting how pale she appeared in the bright light of the room. She turned on the water as she glanced around the still rather empty space. She realized she wasn't quite used to it yet - not that she'd had much time to adjust to being a homeowner between moonlighting as the Dark One and striking deals with the man who could rival the devil.

Plus, they'd picked it - or rather _he'd_ picked this house out for them. He was supposed to be there. They were _supposed_ to be doing this together.

Emma shook her head softly, trailing her fingers through the cold water and splashing it up onto her face. They'd gotten back less than a day ago and as much as she wanted to fall right back into daily lunches and stealing his flask as he gave her that stupidly sexy smirk, they couldn't. He needed time. She'd seen it in his fragile expression and his uncertain stance when they'd walked down to his ship a few hours earlier.

* * *

 _"Is everything….okay? It's all still here?"_

 _"Aye - yeah," he said quickly, setting down the sextant he'd been examining since they set foot in the captain's quarters. "It's fine. It's all….everything's okay."_

 _"Yeah," Emma replied cautiously, lingering behind. "But a-are….you?"_

 _"Am I okay?"_

 _"Yeah."_

 _"I don't….I'm not….I guess," he stuttered, scratching at his ear. "I suppose I don't really know yet, love."_

 _"Yeah," she sighed, leaning on the door frame. "Maybe being home will help. You love this ship, Killian."_

 _"That I do," he smiled weakly as his hand rested on one of the shelves. "But I….Emma, I-"_

 _"I know, Killian," she interrupted, her voice some sort of pleading. "I know you do. That's why it's going to be okay."_

 _"You believe that?"_

 _"I do," Emma said with a nod. "I'm choosing to."_

 _"You can do that….after everything? H-How?"_

 _"I really don't have another option," she admitted after a moment, giving him a tiny smile. "I'm in love with you."_

 _"Aye," he acknowledged in a quiet tone, looking sideways at her. "And I - you, Swan."_

* * *

She wasn't really sure why she thought leaving him there was a good idea. Perhaps it was because she hadn't given him opportunity to say otherwise. Perhaps it was the fact that he'd looked lost for weeks and the moment they stepped onto the deck of the Jolly Roger, he didn't appear to be quite as disoriented. It was normal for him. It had been his home for centuries and though he'd given it up once already for her, she just wasn't sure if the little Nantucket style tudor he'd selected from the classifieds was still going to be enough for an address change.

It was enough for her. _He_ was enough.

Staring down at her phone on the counter, she contemplated calling him. Maybe she'd send a text - he'd gotten _really_ into that prior to her descent into darkness. A reminiscing smirk caught her lips as she recalled his almost too proper texting etiquette and the stern lecture she'd had to give him _more_ than once regarding the use of emojis. That was the man she'd _truly_ fallen for - the kind, thoughtful, quirky guy who hid behind the broken pirate. _That_ was the man she'd gone after, but was it the one she'd brought back?

Was he the same Killian? Was he still _hers?_

A barely audible knocking sound from the front foyer broke Emma out of her uncertain spiraling. She raised an eyebrow at the noise, her posture straightening as she walked toward the door. Her parents were home with Neal and headed for bed last she spoke to them. Henry had gone over to Regina's earlier, probably wanting to give her time to settle back in with Killian.

Wait - _Killian_. Emma's heart skipped several beats as she froze. Her breath was heavy in her chest as she reached for the doorknob, yanking hard on it as a cool burst of night air met her skin.

Relief filled her veins instantly at the sight. He was there - dressed in the red hooded sweater he always looked unsure of with a jittery appearance that was very unexpected. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets as he rocked back on his heels, running his tongue across his lower lip anxiously. His eyes were a sad blue - lonely and lost and _achingly_ handsome. He looked out of place - almost like he thought he shouldn't be there. The observation was a painful one and Emma tried quickly to shove it out so she could get him to come in.

She had, after all, wanting nothing more than that since she walked away from the ship without him not long earlier. She'd wanted him _here_. She wanted him with _her_.

"Killian?"

His eyes jerked up to hers at the sound of his name, the corner of his mouth turning up into a nervous half grin of recognition. It faded fast as his stare went wild with a frenzied blue color, one that she'd gotten somewhat used to seeing recently. It wasn't as easy to drown in as the previous tints and shades of that hue that she'd learned to love - the calm blue of the sea when he met her for morning coffee or the deep navy haze when he kissed her goodnight. This one was more unpredictable. _This_ was the color she needed to conquer.

"Oh," he stammered, shuffling his feet slightly. "You're still awake."

"You sound….surprised?"

"I guess I shouldn't be," he answered, keeping his tentative distance. "Dark One tendencies are….tough to break."

"Yeah," she agreed, trying to hide her pain in the way she gripped the door. "Is something wrong?"

"I guess I, uh….I _mean_ , I'm not really sure….but I know it's late," he commented, shaking his head in realization. "So that probably doesn't make the fact that I've chosen to show up now look natural."

"No, it's not bad at all actually," Emma replied with a curious smile. "Just wasn't expecting it I guess…."

"I can go-"

"No, _no_ \- you don't have to. I mean, I don't _want_ you to," she rambled, taking a moment to steady her nerves. "But are you okay? I just….you didn't have to come over here so late. I figured you wanted to tend to the boat and that we'd talk later-"

"It's a _ship_ , Swan," he teased, a hint of that old humor in his eyes - even if it was riddled with uncertainty. "I did that actually, but….you said that maybe being home would help."

She'd been playing those immortal words from their earlier exchange over in her mind for hours, telling herself that she'd used them to justify the reason he needed some time alone at the docks. She had convinced herself that 'home' was just a word and that if they didn't end up turning this house into theirs after everything they'd been through, it would still be okay. Yet here he was - a disheveled mess of dark hair, exhausted blue eyes, and the black Converse sneakers that Henry had coerced him into a few months earlier.

He _was_ home.

"So," he started, a slight tremble in his words. "Can I come in?"

"I guess that depends," she answered in a slightly more relaxed tone, accompanied by a faux smirk. "Do you plan on knocking at your own house regularly or is this just a….one time thing?"

"Funny, love," he laughed, a slight awkwardness evident in him. " _My_ house though? Is that what you're calling it? Because you don't have to-"

"I know," she cut him off, trying to hinder any further shaky conversation. "But….it is, isn't it?"

"Well, I guess I was more thinking of it as 'ours'," he shrugged, his eyebrows knit with hope. "If you'd like it to be. Eventually….of course. _One_ day."

"I….I kind of thought that was the plan," she replied softly, a weak smile following her words. "Come in?"

He nodded, his feet fidgeting a moment before he walked through the doorway. Emma's eyes closed briefly when their shoulders brushed and she reveled for the millionth time in the fact that he was real. He was there. He was _whole_.

She'd actually found him. She'd saved him - just like he had saved her. Something about that ending - or beginning - was _everything_ to her.

"You're tired," he said after a moment, tilting his head at her. "Why aren't you asleep, love?"

"Well, I….I _was_ ," she stammered as she bit her lip. "I guess I just….woke up."

"I gathered that much," he smirked, his gaze concerned despite his effort to make light of things. "But I'm curious if there's a reason why?"

Emma pulled in a deep breath, wondering silently just how much she should tell him. They hadn't _actually_ gone to hell, but he looked like he'd been dragging himself through it with his deep blue eyes and his somewhat wrinkled clothes. His face was still slightly marred - the healer Meg had taken them to had assisted with the majority of his injuries, but a few cuts and scrapes remained.

Oh, as well as a fairly battered broken heart. Emma tried not to think of the one she possessed and how well they matched. Real kindred spirits they'd always been. At least _one_ thing hadn't changed.

"I just-" she said, swallowing hard. "-wasn't sleeping well."

"Yeah," he replied, quiet and distant. "I know what you mean."

It took her only a moment to piece it together - that fractured expression that was ruled by a terrified, exhausted stare and dark red lips. He was tense and hanging on by a thread as his mind appeared to reel. She wanted to go to him - to _hold_ him. It wouldn't be right though. Right now, he was still realms away even as he stood just inside their front door.

"You...you had a nightmare," she realized, the truth of it pressing on her aching soul. "Is that it?"

He didn't reply yet, his teeth worrying his lower lip as he looked away. His posture was weak and oh so unlike the confident Captain that used to wear swagger like it was going out of style. He sighed heavily, his chest shaky with the thousand emotions she was feeling too. When he finally brought his vision back to hers, she immediately took note of how unprepared she'd been to see him this way.

His eyes were pale and watery, the darkness surrounding them full of disaster as his hands hung helplessly at his side. Emma wasn't sure how much time passed as they stood there on the edge of her knowing statement, only certain that it was _far_ too long. His mouth trembled and a solitary tear slid down his cheek. It was quickly swept away as he pulled a frustrated hand over his tormented face.

 _She_ was supposed to be the one doing that. Comforting him after all of this was _her_ job - and she was quickly on her way to becoming unemployed.

"Killian-"

"It was like...I was a _ghost_ , Emma," he finally told her, devastation wrapping around his accent as his shoulders slumped. "I was gone. I….I _left_ you - just like everyone else."

His words burned deep, the reality of his pain suddenly right there in front of her as she realized how much of it had followed them home - valiant rescue efforts be damned. He had never appeared quite so broken as he did in that moment, his skin colorless and his expression cloaked in the failure he was feeling. He was wrong though. He _wasn't_ like everyone else.

"Killian, no - that wasn't your fault," she tried to remind him. "You were doing what was right. You saved us - you saved _me_."

"But….then I _lost_ you," he said softly, the battle raging in his words. "I….I almost remember - I mean, some of it."

Emma breathed back her own tears as they threatened to fall, her hand reaching to the ring around her neck. It was her strength - all she'd had after Excalibur destroyed the darkness and the man who'd taken it on, despite how much she detested it. She cringed inwardly, exhaling with an unstable sound as she tried to fight the memory. It was still there though - the look in his eyes when the blackness encircled him, his heroic and heartbreaking plea, the way he choked out his last declaration of love, and the final sound he made when the sword pierced his skin.

It was all too painful. It was all too real.

"I….I _felt_ you, Emma," he told her, a barely audible tone wrapping around his words. "When you took my hand and then….when you let it go. I couldn't stop it from falling away from yours and I knew that I….it was _over_."

She broke at the explanation, her legs shaking as her heart fell at her feet. The fight to control her sobbing was quickly lost and tears ran freely down her cheeks as she tried to catch her breath. Emma knew she was moments from dropping to the ground, the way she'd done so on that night still so easy to recollect. This time, she knew she would feel the cool wood floor on her knees instead of the frigid cushion of the grass - but she was wrong.

Instead, she felt only Killian's unexpected, warm, careful touch as his hands moved to graze the sides of her face. Sudden stability found her and the world stopped turning for an instant - just long enough for her eyes to flutter back into a desperate focus.

"It….it sounded like that," he whispered, his thumb brushing a rogue tear from her cheek. "You were crying and….it was the last thing I heard, Emma. Then everything was black."

"Killian, I…."

Her reply faded as he stroked her jaw, holding her chin gently as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His hand fell after a minute, but this time it found her hip and he squeezed softly to coax her forward. Emma didn't know how she was able to move her feet, but she closed the space between them quickly. His forehead leaned against hers and his fingers moved upward again, his hand tangling aimlessly in her loose waves of hair. Her hands lifted from her sides and her palms rested carefully on his chest. He shuddered slightly under her returned touch and they breathed each other in like the light mist of the sea breeze.

She felt it almost instantly and the relief she experienced following the pattern of his thumping heartbeat was suddenly her reason for standing.

"Do….do you feel that, love? I'm….I'm _alive_ -" he exhaled, the tiniest of smiles evident in his voice. "-because of you, Emma."

"But I...with Excalibur-"

"Emma," he cut in, pressing his lips to her forehead. "It doesn't matter."

"It….it doesn't?"

"No - but _this_ matters….because you found me," he said quietly, the comfort of his gaze holding her steady. "You brought me back, love."

His breath was steady in her ear as she squeezed her eyes tightly closed and allowed him to hold her. This was the moment she'd needed since she watched the darkness leave his body. It was what she'd prayed for since the second her foot cut through the water leading them to Charon's boat.

 _I can't lose you too_. Her own words from what felt like ages ago echoed in her ears. He was _finally_ there - and she wasn't about to lose him _this_ time.

"Killian," she whispered, her forehead pressed against his shoulder. "Stay. Please just…. _stay_."

"I'm _here_ , Emma," he assured her, his hand smoothing her hair as they stood in the dark foyer of the house he'd chosen. "I'm home now."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Slow down  
**_ _ **We're losing the meaning of words now.  
**_ _ **Quiet the noise 'cause we've made  
**_ _ **A mountain of minuscule things.**_

He didn't know when he'd finally drifted off the night before. He wasn't actually convinced that he did any sleeping at all until his eyes forced themselves open, exhaustion still causing them to feel heavy as early daylight threatened to peek through the curtains. They swayed in the breeze in a comforting fashion - the true essence of home and a sweet reminder that Emma knew he liked to sleep with the window open.

She was always rather sneaky about acquiring such knowledge, the coy curve of her lips never giving away much when she observed his preferences for things. It made what was left of his heart swell and he settled into the relaxation the dim dawn was offering.

He turned carefully, the fact that he'd dozed off in his regular clothes making it difficult to do so. He'd barely grown into the idea of a modern wardrobe when he'd traded it all for his Dark One attire. The sweater was his favorite color and one Henry had been excited to coax him into buying. The material was soft and as much as he knew Emma liked his leather, there was something insanely comfortable about the way she snuggled into his chest when he wore it. She had a way with that - with making him feel relaxed and wanted, even when self certainty was out of reach.

She'd proven that again when he'd shown up on her - well, _their_ doorstep the previous night.

* * *

" _This was my favorite part about the house too," she said softly, her hair pulled over her shoulders in those blonde tangles. "It makes me think of you."_

 _She'd retrieved her offered glass of rum faster than he'd expected, only to return to find him making use of the telescope in the front room. The night was several shades of dark and it wasn't easy to see the harbor with the lack of illumination, but he liked knowing it was there. It was part of home for him - the sounds of the sea and the comforting calm of the horizon. He'd missed it almost as much as he'd missed them. Almost._

" _Sort of a selling point I guess," he shrugged, biting his lip as he took the glass she held out for him. "Even now, there's just….something soothing about it I suppose. I mean, not that I need-"_

" _We don't have to talk about it, Killian," she told him gently, noticing the way he'd started to stumble over his words. "We don't have to talk about anything yet - unless you want to."_

" _The idea of you being patient is quite different," he commented, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. "The Emma Swan I know is very 'jump first and be asked questions later'."_

" _I guess I kind of owe you," she smirked, furrowing her eyebrows. "You've always been that way with me. 'All the time in the world' is what you said once I think."_

" _Aye," he replied, a slight haunting in his tone. "I did."_

 _It terrified him to think of how close they'd come to not being able to honor his patient promise._

" _I'm sorry it took me so long to get….here."_

 _Emma's voice drifted off as she looked around the room, emphasizing the location she was referring to. Killian allowed his teeth to press into his lower lip as he watched her insecurity take hold of her posture, her shoulders slumping slightly and her eyes turning a glassy green._

" _I'm sorry I almost didn't make it here at all, love," he almost whispered. "Thank you for making sure that I did."_

" _Yeah, I….guess I had to," Emma sighed, her head tilting to land on his shoulder as they looked out the window. "Man of honor, right?"_

" _Aye, Swan," he exhaled, placing a gentle kiss against her hair. "I'm going to do my best."_

" _Just be you," she said in return. "Just be here."_

" _As you wish, love," he smiled softly, breathing in her scent as her arms wrapped around his waist. "For as long as you'll have me."_

* * *

The daylight was arriving slower than normal it seemed and the cool of the night hours hung in the space around him. The sky outside was slightly dreary with the air fresh and quiet. It was much different than the red haze and gloom he'd trudged through in the Underworld and it bothered him that this life was the one he was struggling to adjust to.

There had to be a way to make it easier.

He drew a silent breath as he turned sideways a little more. There she was - his reason, his _savior_ , his Emma.

 _She_ was the way.

His eyebrows knitted carefully together as he blinked clarity into his exhausted vision. She was unfairly beautiful in the dull illumination of the room, her hair falling over her shoulders in long waves. The hand she'd been using to keep hold of his ring rested near her face on the pillow as her breathing remained steady. Her eyes were closed gently, her long eyelashes flush against her cheeks as she slept and Killian allowed himself a moment to predict what shade of green they might be when she eventually woke up.

They'd be breathtaking and bold - just as they always were. He hoped they'd be that lighter hue, the one they held when she was truly happy. He'd been fortunate enough to see that color several times before they'd lost one another to the darkness, mostly during instances when she'd been poking fun at his lack of modern knowledge or when she'd asked him to join her for lunch at the diner with Henry. Those were the eyes that had pulled him in a _million_ times and the ones he'd been hoping he could drown in for eternity - as opposed to the river Hades had threatened him with.

That was a green he hoped he'd _never_ have to see again.

Killian looked up to the ceiling for a moment, trying to will away the memory of the nightmare that had pulled him from a restless sleep only hours ago. He'd been battling the images of that moment since they set foot back in this realm and his breath shook slightly as he squeezed his eyes shut.

It wasn't going away.

* * *

 _He was shivering. He was shaking, his body rigid as the tremors set in and the sound of grinding metal rolling over itself grated his ears. Most of his body was numb and lifeless, his pain heightened only recently when he'd allowed himself some humanity and hope that they might be coming for him. The blood rolled down his face as he fought for stable breath._

 _She wasn't there. Nobody was coming to save him._

" _Now I want you to think about why you're here."_

 _The voice was amused and light, an accent of victory woven between the condescending words. He'd been trying to block it out for a while now, but ignoring the man who owned the sarcastic tone had only led him here - wrapped in rusty chains and strung up over a river that seemed to scream his name in a violent whisper no one else could hear._

" _You tried to escape. You freed another prisoner. You failed to do what I ask."_

 _The reasons piled on top of one another, making his mind blur with a dizziness that begged for closed eyes. Hades was loving the opportunity to list his long, embellished line of grievances, but the only thing Killian could focus on was what had really led him to this position._

 _It's what he had chosen. He had asked to die a hero - he had just never imagined it would be like this. Then again, there was no way any of them could have known._

" _But do you know the most important reason why?"_

" _I couldn't-" he sputtered, blood and saliva falling from his mouth as he tried to bite back the agony "-begin to guess."_

" _Hope! You and your colleagues brought contraband hope into my world and that is strictly forbidden," Hades explained, pointing a dramatic finger at him. "Despite some creative beatings, I can still see hope in your eyes. Now I would like that to be gone before you reach the water…."_

 _The sounds of the crank moving the chains set his pain back into escalation and he groaned as the metal clung to him, constricting him completely as he was lowered toward the demonic body of water below. Blood trickled down his lip from his teeth as he fought for consciousness, his will to keep his wits slowly diminishing with each inch that he dropped._

" _You have interfered with my carefully cultivated existence and now, I am going to hurt you."_

 _He cringed as Hades pulled him closer by the collar, the chains screeching as they moved. His heart was pounding in his ears as proper breath struggled in and out of his lungs. He just wanted it to end._

" _Then I'm going to collect your friends and I'm going to hurt them," Hades threatened, his voice harsh and humored. "So there will be no one left to save you."_

 _Nobody was here. It didn't matter. His thoughts circulated in a confused manner as he kept his eyes stubbornly open, trying to remain brave and stoic in the presence of a man who seemed to have taken notes from the devil. His vision went blurry as his head wavered, the blood loss starting to weaken him further._

" _Feel free to go….mad."_

 _So he did - to say the very, very least._

* * *

His eyes shot open wide, his ragged breath meeting the room as he realized his forehead was painted with a cold sweat that sent chills racing down his spine. He didn't know how or when he'd fallen back into a tormented sleep, but he knew immediately upon waking that he couldn't let it happen again. He inhaled hard, battling the flashes of the fractured past in his tangled mind as tears gathered at the corner of his scorching bloodshot eyes. He pleaded with his soul to forget the way the terrorized dream ended and the way it created the unstable plateau of fear in every nerve in his body.

The ending was always the same. The chains screeched and he sucked in a final gasp of air, only to have the sound of her devastated and extremely broken yell meet his ears before the water overwhelmed him. His fall into the abyss was accompanied by the last thing he heard - the cracking noise of hope lost.

 _Killian! No-_

He blinked hard, his head pressed deep into the pillow as he shoved away the demons in a failing manner. He _knew_ it was false. It was _wrong_. It wasn't what really happened - no, she'd _saved_ him. She had brought him home to _their_ bed and the feel of her warm hands holding his uncertain ones. He was _alive_. They were together now - but couldn't let her see him like this. He wasn't about to leave her. He'd vowed to never stop fighting for them.

But in that tortured instant, he _had_ to get out of there.

Killian rose fast, careful not to wake her as his trembling knees carried him to the doorway. He didn't dare look back - he knew full well he'd allow himself to crumble if he did. Emma had given everything and risked her own life for his. She didn't need to witness the emotional breakdown he was about to have.

His feet slammed against the pavement, the sound of his sneakers slapping the ground beneath as he ran. He wasn't sure how he made it to the grassy water's edge - he seemed to move automatically as the chilled air of dawn surrounded him. Their relationship had always had the sea as the backdrop and he pressed his lips together when he realized that might be what had brought him here. Staring out at the still, silently glassy surface, his mind reeled through those moments - the ones where Emma had displayed her carefully constructed emotional walls and he'd allowed himself to fall for her anyway.

 _I thought you didn't care about anyone but yourself._

 _Maybe I just needed reminding that I could._

 _What happened during this past year that you're not telling me._

 _No matter how much you wish you could go back to your old life, you can't._

 _Don't you care about them - or anyone in this town?_

 _Of course I care._

The slight sea breeze met his cheeks with a cold twinge, his face reddening as he found his stable breath again. He allowed his senses to absorb the scenery - the swaying trees, the barely audible sound of moving water, the distant call of seagulls from the direction of the docks. It _almost_ felt like home. It almost felt _right_.

"I hoped I'd find you here."

The voice was quiet and close, the words prompting his head to turn until his eyes fell on her. She was dressed simply, still wearing the black pants and loose fitting t-shirt she'd fallen asleep in. Her boots were the tall black ones she'd chased away many a villain in and her hair was still slightly messy from her short slumber. Her shoulders were covered in a light blue flannel shirt, one he recognized as his that she'd borrowed one night before falling asleep in his arms aboard the Jolly Roger. He watched her pull the fabric down over her fingers in a fidgeting motion. He couldn't help the way his heart swelled.

He always knew she had ulterior motives when she'd insisted he purchase that shirt. In this case, he couldn't find it in himself to mind.

"I guess it means you're still predictable-" she continued, swallowing heavily. "-even after everything."

"Aye," he replied after a minute, his stare locking with hers. "An open book I suppose."

"Yeah it would appear so," she shrugged, a half smile tugging at her lips. "I guess I thought you might find it calming - the water I mean."

Killian froze with a gasp, his legs a little weak as he listened to her repeat a slight variation of the words he'd once said to her in the presence of the horizon. She'd come here to find him - to _comfort_ him. She'd didn't want him to be alone.

"How'd you know?"

"You _are_ like clockwork, Killian," she smiled softly, rocking on her heels and grasping the ring hanging from the chain around her neck. "But this helped too."

"It works….like that?"

"It helped me find you once before," she nodded, walking slowly across the grass. "I thought it might be able to do it again."

She looked hesitant as her fingers held tight to the piece of jewelry, tangling the chain as she moved. Her eyes were filled with a slight sadness and their green color pulled him in without another thought. God, she was beautiful. He wondered briefly how long it had been since he'd told her so.

" _Swan, you look…."_

" _I know."_

He missed those moments. He missed the banter and the neverending instances of shameless charm and flirting. He missed that look she gave him - well, _every_ look she gave him. As much as he wasn't sure he was allowed to, he missed _them_.

"It's okay, you know," she said, pausing a few feet from him. "You don't….need to feel guilty."

He furrowed his eyebrows at her comment, biting his lower lip as he realized she wasn't upset that he'd left. She understood - or at least she was _trying_ to. He was almost positive that he didn't deserve that.

"How can you be like that?"

"Like what?"

"Just….patient," he breathed after a moment, sadness wrapping around his slight stutter. "So willing to wait - and hopeful?"

"Well," she replied, folding her arms as she resumed moving toward him. "Because you'd do it for me."

He saw it then - the love she hadn't ever let go of. It had taken them each a long time to express it and to simply _say_ it and it had nearly been ripped away in an instant at the hands of destructing the darkness. He never dreamed he'd be here again - he hadn't allowed himself to hope for it.

But he was - and bloody hell, he loved her more than he _ever_ had before.

"I meant what I said, Killian," she promised, her eyes watering as she reached him. "I don't want to lose you."

That moment they'd endured by the lake not long before echoed in his mind, the feel of the sword being driven through his body not hard to recall. He saw the memory flash in her eyes too and the glossy state of her gaze prompted his hands to reach tentatively for hers. She relaxed slightly at his touch and held tight to his fingers as he pulled her a little closer. Her hands found his chest after a moment and her palms flexed, the left one finding the steady rhythm of his heart. The slightest smile crossed her lips and her eyes fell closed in relief.

He never imagined his pulse would bring her such comfort, but after everything they'd fought through, he knew exactly why it did.

"I'm sorry," she whispered gently, their foreheads falling together in slow motion. "I just….need to feel that sometimes. I need to remember it's real. I….I spent too long imagining an ending where it might not be."

"But it was _you_ who saved me, Swan," he reminded her, his arms coming around her waist. "So who's the hero now?"

"I think it's always been you, Killian," she responded, a soft laugh escaping her. "It's always going to be _you_."


End file.
